


understanding hurts

by MakeItAGoodOne



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angry John, Developing Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Drabble, Drabble Sequence, Episode: s03e01 The Empty Hearse, Feels, Gen, I Blame Tumblr, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, John Loves Sherlock, Johnlock Feels, M/M, Mid-The Empty Hearse, One Shot, POV Sherlock Holmes, Season/Series 03, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Sherlock Feels, Sherlock Holmes and Feelings, Sherlock Loves John, Sherlock Series 3 Spoilers, Sherlock Understands, Sherlock-centric, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Empty Hearse Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1364758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakeItAGoodOne/pseuds/MakeItAGoodOne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I thought I'd go and surprise John. He'd be delighted.</p><p>He really did move on with his life.</p><p>I've been away.</p><p>I don't understand. I've never been so confused in my life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	understanding hurts

Three restaurants. Each worse than the last.  
  
Three injuries. Each worse than the last.

  
I thought I'd go and surprise John. He'd be delighted.

  
He really did move on with his life.  
  
I've been away.  
  
I don't understand. I've never been so confused in my life.  
  
Why did he react that way?  
  
Lestrade hugged me. Mrs. Hudson freaked out. Molly smiled.  
  
John slammed me against the ground.  
  
What did I do?  
  
Mary said I don't understand human nature.  
  
I understand it perfectly. It operates around sentiment and...  
  
Sentiment?  
  
I just really don't understand.  
  
I don't like not understanding.  
  
What happened?  
  
He was definitely angry about something.  
  
Maybe he's upset I didn't tell him. He felt left out. Like a small child.  
  
But he reacted in such a deeply emotional way.  
  
I thought he'd be happy to see me.  
  
Did he really not miss me?  
  
I thought he'd at least welcome me.  
  
I wasn't expecting a hug, just a smile.  
  
Was a smile too much to ask?  
  
I've missed that smile so much.  
  
I've missed those ridiculous jumpers.  
  
I've missed the way he smells like shampoo and clean sheets.  
  
Fantastic! Amazing!  
  
I missed him.  
  
I hoped he'd miss me.  
  
Is that cruel?  
  
Why was he so angry?  
  
He said, "You let me grieve."  
  
I really don't understand human nature.  
  
He seemed...hurt.  
  
Who hurt him?  
  
I have to ask Mary. No one hurts my John!  
  
John is not the kind of person to just passively allow someone to hurt him.  
  
He would get revenge.  
  
"I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're speaking."  
  
He would get revenge on the person who hurt him.  
  
I hurt him.  
  
How did I hurt him? By leaving him out of my plans? By interrupting his date with Mary?  
  
No, that was too intense of a response.  
  
It's something bigger.  
  
Oh.  
  
I hurt him by dying.  
  
I hurt him by dying.  
  
He thought I was dead, and it hurt him.  
  
He cared about me enough to hurt.  
  
That means... he did miss me.  
  
More than I thought he would.  
  
Could he?  
  
No, no, no.  
  
I know Mummy and Dad, and maybe Mycroft, love me.  
  
But this is different.  
  
My family loves me because they feel like they should.  
  
John doesn't have to love me.  
  
He could leave at any moment.  
  
He has no obligation to me.  
  
He doesn't have to love me.  
  
He chose to love me.  
  
He chose me.  
  
No one has ever chosen me before.  
  
I hurt him by dying.  
  
He loves me.  
  
I don't deserve him.  
  
I don't like understanding anymore.  
  
Understanding hurts.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> "I was wondering why Sherlock was so nonchalant about meeting John again. He thought John wouldn't be angry or hurt, that he'd just be glad to get his friend back. What if he didn't think John would do that, because he honestly didn't think John loved him? He was so surprised to find that John considered him his best friend. He had never had anyone love him that much. Mycroft and his parents love him, but that's so different. They're his family, they have to love him. John is different. John chose Sherlock. And Sherlock never expected to be chosen."
> 
> That was the prompt I gave myself. I know I probably didn't do this concept justice, but I firmly believe it's canon. 
> 
> Sherlock is not a sociopath. He just doesn't understand.


End file.
